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An IM conversation with my very good friend after she read post on Duality
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Friend:
I like that you talk about identity as multifaceted, not just dual. more gray than black-and-white
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Me:
holding multiple dualities...yes
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Me:
but on any single topic...often you are holding two things
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Me:
man/woman
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Me:
gay/straight
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Me:
conservative/liberal
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Friend:
I thought those were spectrums, not binaries.
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Me:
you hold opposite ends...and live somewhere in the middle
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Friend:
:)
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Me:
or rather..in between
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Me:
the middle sounds ...i dont know...on the fence
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Friend:
some people try for that (on the fence), to not commit to an identity or idea so they aren't wrong or offensive (which is just someone else tell you that you're wrong)
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Me:
i think being on the fence is fine for awhile...but hopefully you dont live there. It's not about committing to an identity, but allowing it to be fluid
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Me:
similar to our marriage convo the other night
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Friend:
Can identity be fluid? You're true to yourself (a form of commitment) however that changes over time.
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Me:
I don't think identity and morals are the same...I think how we define ourselves can change over time , but that we have a baseline ethos that drives it
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Friend:
where does it come from, if it's baseline?
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Me:
where does what come from? our ethical make up?
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Friend:
a baseline ethos
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Me:
i think each person defines that differently
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Me:
innate, childhood, spirituality..etc
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Friend:
and it's fixed?
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Me:
i dont think it's static
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Me:
it has faultlines
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Friend:
so...we have evolving identities that are driven by underlying structures of ethics that aren't quite static, but deep-rooted?
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Me:
perfect! :)
