You know you’ve made it when this person follows you.
This is so awesome and confusing all at once. It just might be the best video of all time.
Source: funnyordie.com
When quickly coordinating with a work colleague via IM about meeting with another (female) coworker, never forget the last “e” in the word here when typing out “want to meet in here?”
Father’s Day has come a little early this year.
Really glad this was never a thing with my kids. My poor friend’s kids do this to him all the time. His eldest tried to do it to me one time and I hip checked him instinctively. Whoops…sorry (but kinda not).
Source: Laughing Squid
Straight men (of the stupid homophobic persuasion), consider yourself warned.
- Me (From the bathroom): OOOOOUUUCH!
- Finn (from the other room running over): What!? What happened?
- Me (sheepishly): Well...you know how you are making me more and more grey everyday?
- Finn (eye balls sloshing back in his head): Whateves...yeah?
- Me: Well the grey hairs sprouting all over my body are long and wiry. I had a big gross one coming out of one of my eye brows, So I plucked it. And...well...it hurt.
- Finn (thinking - Really...you are straight?): Let me see!
- Me: I plucked it already...but check out that crazy patch on my upper back (leans back).
- Finn (pulling one of them): Whoa...look at this one...it's over two inches long!
- Me: I told you. Getting old is not pretty man.
- Finn: You're still pretty dad.
- Me: Ice Cream for dinner!!!
See lazydad, the counter revolution to your Orwellian food future is here. The gluttonous shall inherit the earth.
Since some of us (points finger at myself) are already under the regime’s healthy food mind control, subversively have one for me…one of the fallen ones.
Cows just wanna have fun. And you thought you were starting the long weekend early.
Source: Boston.com
Love this Colbert quote (paraphrasing a bit):
When you laugh…you are not afraid. [Fear] just goes away when you laugh. It’s physiological.
This is really the reason why I skate…”I say no to unplanned pregnancy.”
Oh…wait…
As much as I try to avoid xmas altogether, Easter is just creepy enough to make it interesting and fun. Come on… a dude rising from the dead… it’s a perfectly packaged holiday for our new found cultural obsession with the zombie apocalypse.
These pictures…are… A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
It’s almost time for another holiday, and in MY book, that means another opportunity to exploit not-so-hoppily-ever-after Easter photos. Enjoy! Click pics for captions.
Text chat with my sister while she is visiting our mom
- Me: How goes the visit with mom?
- Her: It goes well. We are going to the Chicken Show today. :-)
- Me: What is it with girls and cocks? Sheesh!
- Her: We are always looking for a good one.
- Me: And then always finding a bunch of cocks competing against one another for your attention
- Her: Love a good cock fight!
- Me: They really should sell sex toys at those things...that would be funnnnnyyyyyy!
- Her: Yeah... I will place that idea in the suggestion box at fairgrounds
- Gotta love growing up in a rural place. Farm/sex jokes just never get old.
Giggling and crying all at once.
via carlovely
Going through this sausage grinder, I know what this sausage grinder is all about. I know that he’s going through this sausage grinder because he cares about the future of the United States of America,…We all do.
Herman Cain on his endorsement of Gingrich. Yes…he refers to people’s reactions to their infidelities as the “sausage grinder.” I was just saying how I missed the GOP craziness of Cain and Bachman. Thank you Herman…thank you for bringing some bat shit crazy back to the show.
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Random bits from a single dad trying to not fuck up his son (too much) - or - Exercises in not being (too much of) a sentimental, myopic and/or hypocritical douche.
